I just finished reading Happy: Finding Joy in Every Day and Letting Go of Perfect by Fearne Cotton, and wow… this book hit home in so many ways. Some chapters were like gentle reminders of things I already knew but had pushed to the back of my mind, while others made me stop, highlight, and think, Okay… this is exactly what I needed to hear right now.
Fearne opens up about her experience with depression, and let me tell you — I relate. I’m not just talking about “feeling sad” here. I mean the real, clinical, heavy kind of depression. Mine started as a teenager. I took medication back then, and sometimes I still do — usually for anxiety these days. I’ve learned that keeping my mind active is key for me. That’s probably why I’m always juggling something: my full-time government job, running my real estate transaction coordination business, selling homes (when I have clients… let’s just say self-promotion is not my strong suit), and now I’ve got this itch to start a podcast. When my brain is busy, it has less time to spiral into negative thoughts. Over the years, I’ve also gotten better at challenging my own limiting beliefs and shutting down the negative self-talk. Honestly, that’s probably why my mental health is stronger now than when I was younger.
One of the lines Fearne wrote that really stuck with me was, “Usually even the dullest ‘should do’ has an underlying element of ‘want to.’” For example, I should work out every morning, but the truth is… I want to feel stronger, tone up, and prevent osteoporosis. Framing it that way changes the energy, even if I’m still not bouncing out of bed for burpees. Another favorite reminder? “You cannot compare your life with others.” Thank you, social media, for constantly tempting me to do just that. I’m working on remembering that those highlight reels aren’t the full story.
She also talks about slowing down — taking time to actually live in the moment. Things like eating without scrolling, turning your phone off at night, going outside for five minutes, doodling, or just looking around and noticing things. It sounds so simple, but I’m realizing that small, mindful moments really do shift my mood.
Then there was this one sentence that made me stop and say, Whoa: “Aiming high and having goals is exciting and buzzy as long as you know that the you of the future is no different from the person you are now.” I’ve always been someone who thinks, I’ll be happy when X happens. But the truth? Even if I won the lottery tomorrow, I’d still be me. My problems might shrink (goodbye debt), but my personality, my habits, my way of reacting — that would all still be here.
One of my favorite sections was about finding your “inner freak.” Fearne says, “It takes balls to be unapologetically ‘you’… be brave, be bold, be you, and dance to your own beat.” As someone whose blog is literally called Unapologetically Amber, I felt that in my soul. I’m not talking about being rude or reckless — I mean standing firm in your values, trusting yourself, and embracing the quirks that make you you. Lately, that’s looked like singing in the grocery store, doing a little dance in the kitchen, and caring less about what strangers think (as long as I’m not hurting anyone).
The chapter on choices reminded me of the “Let Them” theory — you can’t control what people do, but you can control how you respond. That’s empowering. Do I always choose the high road? No. Sometimes I choose petty. Sometimes I sit in negativity. But I’m learning to see those moments as part of growth. It’s not about perfection; it’s about catching yourself and trying again next time.
There were so many other takeaways — like remembering that one chapter of life has to end for another to start, or that sometimes people will judge you no matter what you do. That’s on them, not you. And the reminder to be nicer to ourselves… whew. That one’s still a work in progress. My body has been through a lot — illnesses, pregnancy, weight changes — and it’s still carrying me through life. I need to thank it more and criticize it less.
Fearne also touches on love and family. I related so much to her words about blended families. I’m both a biological mom and a stepmom, though honestly, I don’t even like using the word “step.” I take my stepson to school, I know his food preferences, I’m there for him daily — I’m his mom, too. Blended families come with their own set of challenges, but I think we’ve navigated them really well. And as Fearne points out, no matter how “unique” we think our family dynamic is, most families experience a lot of the same things.
In the end, Happy isn’t just about chasing joy — it’s about realizing happiness is a choice we make daily. I’m walking away from this book reminded that I can choose to see the good, choose to slow down, choose to be unapologetically me, and maybe even help someone else find a little joy along the way… even if it’s just through a smile to a stranger.
Your turn: How do you slow down and find joy in the everyday?